The human condition is misery. Hope is a step up, but it is just that much farther you have to fall. You may realize that it hurts less to try, but to truly make it, you press on and laugh at how miserable you are. Helps put things in perspective.

1. I turned my laptop on and it worked after a month of it not working. More accuratly, it didn’t work a few times, so I stopped using it.

2. They destroyed Weeds. What the fuck did they do.

3. My job status was changed so I have way too much free time on my hand. I went from working full time to less than part time. This is bad because I now make enough money to get buy instead of having enough money to blow on whatever I wanted. I’ll be ok for a few months. By then I plan on being back to my old hours or working somewhere else for more money.

4. Considering I havn’t had more than 3 consecutive days off in a year, its nice to take a break from work. I’ve been catching up on television and have been rethinking what I’m doing and what my goals are.

5. Catching up on television doesn’t sound as bad as it really is. It only takes about 5-6 hours to catch up on a season of show.

6. Since Weeds is over, I’ve become hooked on Dexter and have discoverd Entourage. Now I know that everyone and their mother loves this show and has been telling me to watch it since it started. But I never can start a show from the middle, and so I was waiting till I had some time to give it a chance. I gave it a chance once but I was distracted and didn’t get into it.

7. Things I plan on doing with my life: Go back to school. Go take some other types of classes.

8. I’ve been off and now back on Strattera. Double the dose.

9. I cooked corned beef, cabage and potatoes tonight.

10. I started writing again.

11. Now that I don’t have money to spend, I figured out what I should be spending it on. Funny how that works.

I’ve been here two months and I havn’t gotten as much accomplished as I would have liked. One of the bedrooms is still empty, and I still don’t have a real kitchen table. This lack of finished rooms caused me to impulsivly go out and blow a grand on furniture for the living room. I had my couches, but there was nothing else going on in there, so there’s not really much reason to sit in there.

I’ve had a few visitors so far, but I have to bug some more people to get them down here. Beach? Casinos? Restaurants? Entertainment? Nothing is missing.

I’m heading over to a home game tonight. I walked away last time the 2nd biggest winner, so I’m not looking to bust people as much as I am looking to break even and have some fun.

I got word from home that my dog, Penny, isn’t doing well. Last spring she started not eating her food, and her stomach became sensitive to a lot of the other food we have always given her. The carrots and apples she used to beg for made her sick. We thought that since she was starting to get older her appetite was changing, so we gave her a variety of different foods and took her to the vet a few times.

After a series of blood tests and various other tests, the vet came to the conclusion that it must be irritable bowel syndrome. So he prescribed some special food and some steroid pills to calm her stomach.

My dog has always been jacked for a small terrier. As small as she was, she was really heavy. Mostly from all the running and chasing of toys and small animals in the back yard. But after the summer, she lost some weight and muscle mass. Her mood never really changed. Always chipper, always happy whenever anyone came home. She still looked healthy, but I could tell by holding her that something wasn’t right.

The pills did her well for the last few weeks. Her appetite picked up and she seemed to be doing better. She did start shaking which was thought to be a side effect of the medicine.

But she has been having accidents in the house and the shaking has gotten worse and she spent some of last night moaning which is not like her at all.

We were afraid of some type of cancer, but nothing was detected. We were also aware that if it was a cancer, the steroids would bring it out.

She went to the vet today and the doctor gave her an I.V. with some fluids and gave her a steroids shot to calm her system down. But he saw that she had lost another 2 lbs. since he had last seen her

It’s so sad to say, but after watching her weight loss and change in habits over the past few months. I’m not sure how much longer she has. I try to stay optimistic, but I’m very much a realist.

We decided to take her home tonight to see how she does, but if it is a type of lymphoma or other cancer, it probably isn’t going to have a good ending. I hope we can get her well, though she deserves better than us dragging out her sickness with miracle surgerys. That’s not the quality of life a dog enjoys.

It eats me up that she can’t be one of those dogs that grows old and slows down over time. She grew older, but never slowed down. Always happy, always energetic.

I think I will go home after work to see her.

Since my other computer crashed, all of my music is a little disorganized. Its all saved on an external drive. It’s just not added into Itunes, so its a little bit of a mess. So I’ve been downloading new things to listen to, as well as rediscovering some of the good albums I’ve listened to this year.

That means a bunch of Death Cab for Cutie. Sometimes I want to be creative and work on projects, but lately, after it hits midnight, the most I can do is watch a movie or listen to music. The new Death Cab album is my favorite album in a long time. I didn’t like more than a few songs when I first got it, but playing a few times really got it to grow on me.

In the most minor of stories, my roommate was about to toss a Spider Plant that he had gotten. He hadn’t watered it in a few weeks so it was starting to look rather sad. But I couldn’t see it go to waste. Spider Plants are like the easiest plants to grow. So I started watering it. After a day it looks a little better. It’s the first plant I’ve had since my Mom made my Tropical Palm Tree Herb the centerpiece of the living room at home. The Spider Plant’s name is now Spider. Named not for its plant type, but for Michael Imperioli’s character Spider in Goodfella’s.

Tommy: “What am I, a mirage?”
Spider: “What?”
Tommy: “What? Where’s my fuckin’ drink? I asked you for a drink.”
Spider: “You wanted a drink?”
Tommy: “I just asked you for a fuckin’ drink.”
Spider: “I thought, I thought you said you were alright, Spider.”
Tommy: “No, no, no, no ,no, no, no, what you got me on, a fuckin’ pay-no-mind list, kid?”
Spider: “No, I though I heard, I thought I heard someone say somethin, Spider, Spider…”
Tommy: “Spider, Spider, you know your a fuckin’ mumblin stutterin little fuck, you know that?”
Spider: “No, I thought you said I was alright Spider.”
Tommy: “Well, you ain’t alright, Spider. You’ve got a lot of fuckin’ problems.”
Spider: “No, I thought you said you were alright, Spider.”
Tommy: “I am alright, you ain’t alright you little fuckin’ prick.”
Spider: “I thought, I tho…”
Tommy: “I tha I tha. You’ve been doin this all fuckin’ night to me, you motherfucker!”
Spider: “You want a drink now? I’ll bring it for you.”
Tommy: “Yeah, go get me a fuckin’ drink. Move it ya little prick!”

So Friday was Homecoming. I got ready a little late and headed over to the bar. So many people were there. So many people. No matter how long it has been that I haven’t seen someone, after the catch up conversation, we’re back to the basics. It’s like no one ever left.

It’s sad the only time many of us get to see each other is on Homecoming, and even then not everyone shows. But you have to appreciate the time you do have. A lot of the night blurs together. It was a long one. Between my friends, the old Sigma’s and the old AEPhi’s it was a hell of a night. Reverend, Cherence, Troy, Aaron, Brett, Fresh, Cociuba, Robby G, Dreby, Mehl, Nunz, Tony Tartaglia, Plan, the Terruso’s, Atkinson, Chatch, Capo, Mole, Lynch, Andy, Laspata, Troy, Smith, Kibler, and many others that I can’t recall at the moment.

I just remember sitting on the couch at the house thinking it was 3 or so. Then Kristen Allen pointed out it was actually 6:30am. Ouch.

It was a good time, and it was late. On the walk home I decided to drive my car home from the bar. Lucky for me I did, as they towed all the cars in the morning and I would have been stuck with a $125 fine. Punishing people for not driving drunk. Interesting maneuver, let’s see if it pays off.

So since homecoming, I’ve been playing some poker on line. And have won a good amount. My game has improved a lot the past week. Something clicked and I tightened up my play. Something I swore would be impossible. It also helped my NL SitNGo game too. I placed 12 out of the last 14 with 5 firsts 4 seconds and 3 thirds. A big improvement.

Sorry for the poker talk, I mostly write it for personal record.

Overall the last few weeks have been great. Aside from a crashed hard drive which luckily had nothing on it.

Until tomorrow.

The past week and a half has kicked ass. About a fortnight ago, I hadn’t heard from Harrah’s. I was worried that either my paper work didn’t go through properly, or someone decided I didn’t get a job after all. So I was calling the employment office to find out what was going on. On Monday they told me they didn’t have my paperwork, but they are receiving a lot of paperwork that day, so I should call back on Tuesday.

I called again Tuesday and was passed around from person to person until the phone was handed to my interviewer. He remembered me and told me to come on Thursday for employee processing.

So there it was. I went into processing, filled out my paperwork and took my drug test (hair clippings). They scheduled my orientation and told me everything I needed to do. I took a trip over to Harrah’s to get fit for my uniform, and took some time to get my parking pass. I will be damned if I am going to pay for parking if I can help it. Let me tell you something about the inside of a Casino… it’s fucking Huuuge. I walked forever to get to wardrobe. A never ending series of hallways. Good thing I’ll have four days of orientation to learn where everything is.

So as I left I gave a call home. I was supposed to be going home as my Uncle from the South was flying in. Only he didn’t. So I stopped at my dealing school to give the news to my instructor that I was hired. He demanded a bottle of Grey Goose which I had promised him. The condition was that I give him that if I get hired within a month of graduation… but I’ll let him slide. He didn’t make the class hard, and he let us go early.

After all this dealing talk, I caught the bug and wanted to play a few hands. So off to the Borgata I went. This is my first time playing post diagnosis so I was interested on how I would hold up.

Let me tell you something… I played the best live poker of my life. I hit a few hands early and was up big early. Then I got cold decked (nothing but bad hands). In fact, my most playable hand for a few hours was 97 suited which I limped on the button and folded on the flop. Even my neighbor noticed my abnormal amount of folding (abnormal for a 3/6 table). But I stuck to my game and after folding for an hour, I was rewarded by a few AA’s and KK’s that held up despite my opponents cold calling all of my raises. It’s amazing that despite my folding for three hours straight, my opponents never believed my bets.

Well, after playing 8 hours, I won enough to pay my rent and go out for the weekend, as well as pay my parking. So after getting comped at the noodle bar, I went home.

That’s how I know the meds are working people, I played kick ass poker for 8 hours… won… and left. I NEVER leave. I can stay there and play for days without a break. But I put in some time, and left when I felt I was starting to fatigue (I was up at the crack ass of dawn for my processing). So I left a winner.

Friday was another awesome time. It was Homecoming at Rowan… to be continued.

I got my first interview with a Casino. I applied, took a test in which was mostly consisted of personal analysis type questions, and after chatting it up with the office workers, I got offered an interview. I even got a card that said “Congratulations: You have an interview”. As nice as that is, I’m still waiting on the card that says, “Congratulations: You have a job”.

The interview is with Harrah’s, which is “the world’s premier provider of branded casino entertainment”. They own a ton of Casinos including Caesars, Harrah’s, Showboat, and Bally’s…which are the four in Atlantic City. They aren’t currently advertising openings for full time dealers, but I hope to get lucky and score one anyway. Or at least nab one of the other positions. Either part time, on call, and they are also hiring for the World Series of Poker Circuit Events.

Caesars and Showboat both opened new card rooms this past summer, so they would both be nice places to work. I’ll keep everyone informed on the statis of my job.

So my prescription ran out and I didn’t make it to the pharmacy. I had nothing to do today so I went without and I’m just starting to feel it now. I thought about writing something, and I felt the procrastination wash over. So I started fucking with my head and thought about how I would feel if I had to write a paper for a class in the morning. Let’s just say that there is no way that paper would be getting done right now.

I tried to expand…but I think I’m just going to put on a movie and go to bed. I’m going to have to get myself to Eckerd in the morning.